The pain was still there. Her whole body ached. So did her heart. Every time she would see the marks on her body, she would feel filthy. The pain was taking a toll on her.
She went back to the dressing table and pulled out the drawer. The three pills were still there. All three in different colours and shapes. Painkillers. She'd bought three different types just to find out which one worked best for her. Got them without a prescription. Money buys everything.
Except happiness.
He came home late at night, 1 a.m. to be precise. Drunk as usual. He yelled out for dinner. He wasted half of it. She silently cleaned the mess. He switched on the television and played it all full volume while she went to bed. He came back an hour later, and tried waking her up. He slapped her when she didn't wake up the first time. She was aware that it was time for him to feed on her. He tore off her night gown and made LUST to her. He stunk of cheap liquor. And then he fell asleep, while she wept bitterly. She wept pain…dismay…
He was a pain.
She opened her eyes only to see him lying in bed like a monster. His arms dirtied with the lust, his mind sickened of rape and his breath choked with stink. It was all suffocating for her. Tormenting, to be precise. She put his body aside, covered hers with the sheet and walked to the dressing table. She popped one of the pills. The pain barely subsided.
The next night he came home a little early. But he was drunk again. He had a CD in his hand. He pushed away the dinner she had set out and spread out a cheap bar on the dinner table. He played the CD. Hardcore Porn. He drooled. She went to bed in disgust. He followed her in an hour later. She pretended to be asleep when she noticed the wild look in his eyes. He sat himself on the bed and barked her an order to wake up. She pulled up the sheets. He slapped her and pulled her up. He tried on her what he saw on the CD. He was rough. He was violent. He hurt her. She writhed in pain.
He was a pain.
As always, when he was in his wild dreams of the tutorial he saw on the CD, she covered her bleeding body with the sheet again and walked to the dressing table. She popped another pill. This one worked slightly better than the one she had last night. But the pain still remained.
Tonight he came home pretty early. This time he wasn't drunk. He told her he needed 2 lakhs in cash, and that she should fetch it from her parents. She refused. He pulled out the thick leather belt that held his trousers and began whipping her. She screamed in pain. He didn't stop. She begged him to stop. He didn't.
She grabbed a half-empty whiskey bottle lying on the dinner table and smashed it on his temple. He dropped down. He wasn't moving. She grabbed another bottle and smashed it in his face. She loved the way his blood slowly travelled along his skin. That skin which had been anything but pure. She was in love with him…. But in love with the dead him!
She went to her dressing table, pulled out the drawer and picked up the last pill. She walked back to the still body, picked up a bottle of rum, popped the pill, and took a swig from the bottle. She swept the hair off her face.
The pain was gone...probably forever.
She'd finally found a Painkiller that worked.
--- Shruti aka Shane & CRD
17 comments:
Wow that was intense...and the ending was really good...it's sad though...what some people endure...
I'm speechless. I'm reminded of that part in A Thousand Splendid Suns where Mariam kills her husband. Powerful writing. Really really good.
heyy!! tht was an awesome story. reminded me of thousand spendid suns too.. :) N also of a poem i had written a while ago, "Baby whn did ur hands grow so cold" :) wish d grl in my poem had killed d asshole lik d grl in urs does. :)
Awesome writing once again!! :)
Cheers,
Annie.
So tragic yet these kind of things happen.Women need to be strong to stand up to such abuse.
Dark... My fav style...
Loved the sentence construction. It's amazing how a 5-word sentence can do something a 30-word statement cannot...
And the ending... the 'she was in love... with the DEAD him' part... awesome stuff.
I think she found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love... may be tats y she even loved the DEAD MAN!!
well expressed story!!
Cheers..
nicely written... but a little too violent for me. but that is reality.. can't ignore it..
o my..dat was a brilliant endin!!!!:)
yea it reminded me of 1000 splendid suns...:)thot provokin n fantastic!
hey,
that's a very well written story.. very intense..
what's terrifying is that worse things happen in real life..
heya!a tragic story.its been describd very well yaar.
Stunner.... :)
I hope the male character wasnt based on future chris.... :P
The changes on yr orkut profile can be misleading.... :D
I liked the end...
very well written!Keep it up I liked that "MADE LUST TO HER".
Nice post far great than my anticipation..wonder what'll happen to my post..
Beautifully written story. But wait. She was in love with him?? Is that possible!!?
Hi Shruti and CRD!
This was a very engaging story. The progression of pain killing effect of successive pills was a very nice concept. And I too loved the line--'he made lust to her'. The storyline was somewhat predictable, but mind you, which is not necessarily a negative thing to say. Because, especially in very short pieces of fiction, it's difficult to build enough plot to distract the reader by leading to some other possibilities by the time climax arrives. And also predictaility somewhat depends also on what the reader would've read in the past, if they'd have tried their hand at fiction [hint! hint!].
Okay, now coming to parts where I felt there was a scope for improvement:
1. The 'Except happiness' that follows 'money buys everything' doesn't fit properly. For mainly two reasons. First, it's a very cliched saying, and breaking the sentence and putting the former as the next paragraph comes off as attempt to be sensationalist to the discerning reader. Second, such statement seems appropriate in context of those who'd have enjoyed a lot of money in their lives. You haven't sketched the particulars female protagonist's personal background to indicate she's been filthy rich or seen life enough to know that money need not lead to satisfaction. Though, you've not indicated it specifically, the image that came to my mind of her was of a somewhat lower income background, uneducated, and basically, struggling to 'make ends meet'. That's why 'money cannot buy happiness'-part doesn't seem appropriate coming from her.
2. You've used 'to be precise' twice in the story. And since this story is very short, it sounds a bit repetitive. Moreover, 'to be precise' after '1 am' didn't add anything to the literary effect. If you'd still want to retain it maybe, you could put it thus: 'He was late. When he banged on the door, it was 1 in the morning. Exactly, 1. When time crawls slowly waiting anxiously for something to happen... or to not happen, every moment leaves its imprint on the terrain of mind. She wondered if misery followed a time table.'... This is just to illustrate that if you're laying stress on time of his reaching back home, then, that has to be relevant to the plot or should reflect something about the character. The seconds instance of 'to be precise' is when 'suffocation' was further qualified as 'torment'. 'to be precise', in my opinion should be used when a vague concept is exemplified with something specific...
...Here, 'suffocation' isn't a vague concept, and 'torment' isn't exactly aiding in understanding of 'suffocation'. However, the unfortunate part is 'precise' comes off as a very 'technical' term when juxtaposed with description of someone's misery using words like 'suffocation' and 'torment', and thus breaks the flow of narration.
Okay, now a few disclaimers! :) I've done such a fine review only because the story was good, otherwise I wouldn't have even bothered to comment. When something is of overall good quality, then the minor blemishes become much more conspicuous, and simply by dealing with them, the work attains a much higher quality.
Seconds, the length of comment is not to be taken as the degree to which I was dissatisfied with this piece, but I was trying my best to give 'precise' reasons for what (flaws) I was pointing out. :)
Third, just because I've pointed out a few flaws doesn't mean, I think my writing is perfect. :) I'd be glad if you go review my fiction similarly. My fiction is labeled as 'Fiction', of which 55-word fiction is also appropriately labeled. You'll find the tags in my blog's sidebar.
All the best for future ventures! Also, am blogrolling you!
Take care.
Hey, Nice Blog. You should participate in the Orangy Pen Competition. The flair and calibre you have, I am sure, you shall surely do great.I am really excited about the Orangy Pen Competition. I heard loads of enteries are flowing in thier accounts. Are you participating????The Orangy Pen competition
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