It was raining cats and dogs when I left home. I was hurrying through the drenched streets and making my way to where she lives now. She would be waiting, I knew. She would be getting wet too. I took the raincoat, but forgot the hat – was in such a hurry. Took a bunch of yellow tulips from the florist at the corner; she loves these. I moved nearer to her place. Making my way through the fleeing crowd was toil. I hid the flowers inside the raincoat, hoping they would not get soaked. And I rushed through. Many of the folks had umbrellas. Hush! Why did I not bring mine? – I thought. This small kid, walking with her dog in her lap was trying to get underneath her mother’s umbrella. She was playing hide and seek with the rain and getting drenched – the mother was too hasty to look back at her, as she passed me. Hope they live nearby. The other couple was too busy in each other that they could not see the rushing limousine. And as I thought, the car splashed all the water unto them. They looked at themselves, then the passing car, then at each other and laughed. Weirdoes! They found another excuse to hold each other more tightly. All the people were either walking swiftly towards their destination or running towards a nearby hideout. None had time to look at anyone; neither did I. She was waiting! I hurried faster. I did not have time to enjoy the rainfall. I thought of enjoying the shower together with her. It took me another couple of minutes to be there. I reached her place just in time. I went past her mates in there – they had no visitors. I was the only one there – wet, but happy. I could see the bluish cross – no mistake, it’s her! I went near; sat by her grave. It was all sodden in this evening
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
A VISIT - TAN
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4 comments:
The thought behind this write-up is nice, but there are a lot of grammatical errors in the text; you'd think that the author would take care to proofread what he has typed before submitting it- after all, this is a contest entry, and a shortlisted one at that. One expects to read things of a good quality.
Grammatical mistakes. Yes. All in all...has that 'emotional touch' (should I say?)..that'll probably give this one an edge.
Initially, seeing the barely screenful of text put me off, but this one packed quite a few things in that one paragraph!
The plus points of this one are the vivid imagery (esp. the limo splashing water on the couple), and of course, the final twist.
Thanks for the comments people and thanks for award - but then, I would like to see the Grammatical errors that went unseen - by me, the judges and by all the people who voted for this story months ago in The Writers Lounge, voting it to win the Readers Choice there...
... I'm not claiming my arrogance here - people knowing me know I always invite criticism - this is one more such request from me - please show me the faults...
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